Blame your genes for that XXL Jeans!!

Its time we replaced the phrase "Show me your friends and I will tell about you" with "Show me your genes and I will decode you!" because its increasingly becoming evident that what we are is all about our genes. This might irritate the highly successful people because it takes away all credits they bore for their success. But its mighty reassuring for guys like me who kept blaming ourselves for not achieving as much as the frontbenchers did. Genetic engineering has turned out be a more fascinating field than I had imagined. In my younger days I used to go around town saying I wanted to become a genetic engineer. I am not very sure why I did it, but I think it could be because it sounded very sophisticated and would create a good impression about myself or it sounded complicated and people wouldn't probe me any further. But I clearly remember why I let go off this idea - My consistently poor performance in biology which in-turn was due to my unique ability to draw a circle which resembled an amoeba (well you could argue thats biology too!). Anyways without digressing much into topics which will be dealt in detail in my biography (I am too humble and lazy to write an autobiography), I want to say I am super excited about the prospects of human genome project. The avenues that open up with the ability to tweak our genetic code are mind-blowing and will surely be the next giant step in the development of mankind. And my crazy mind has come up with the following wish list for genetic tweaking -  

• The BCCI instead of requesting (read as 'secretly pleading') the services of a stripper like Poonam Pandey to motivate the Indian team should have recruited some genetic engineers to help them decode the gene responsible for fear of OFOs (Overhead Flying Objects) also called as 'Rainaphobia'. This condition displayed by many Indian batsmen involves morbid fear of any spherical object traveling at 150km/h above shoulder level. And this fear is the main reason why a lot of Indian batsmen fall sick in overseas tour.

• Another gene therapy that will benefit our cricket team is the cause for PSRS (Progressive Speed Reduction Syndrome) which is a rare condition endemic to Asian males especially Indians who are professional fast bowlers. The main symptom is the gradual reduction of bowling speed with time to such an extent that they transform from strike bowlers to striken bowlers.
• A major flaw in the evolution of womankind is their mutual exclusivity of beauty and brains (of course not the girl to whom I am getting married to!). They have tried a lot over the ages (smart women invented the cosmetics industry and beautiful women slept with smart men) to overcome this 'birth defect' but have only managed to widen the gap further. So I guess it is something very fundamental to women and hence some tweaking of their genetic makeup will help these poor souls a lot.

• Unlike women men had no evolutionary flaws (hmm.... ok except for this arrogance). But then some men started experimenting with their body and developed some sort of wrinkles on their stomach (read as 'six packs'). Now those of us who don't have six packs are considered to suffer from some sort of deformity. Every gym I visited and every instructor over there told me that to a large extent it depends on "You regularly hitting the gym" and to a lesser extent "It depends on your genes". Since both these causes attack my core values, I very badly want to undergo gene therapy to absolve myself of this lifelong burden.

• When I am in a state of rest (physically or mentally), I become this immovable object which won't move even if acted upon by any amount of external force like verbal or physical abuse (Newton would be really disappointed to hear this). At the end of the day my arse moves just because the earth rotates. There is a general consensus that this state of inertia is what is stopping me from achieving greater success and becoming a prominent figure of the 21st century. Since I don't see this condition among any of my fellow human beings, I am sure it has to be rare congenital defect.
• When will an Indian ever win an Olympic gold medal? Will Sania Mirza, the greatest sportswoman India never produced, ever cross the first round of a grand slam? Can India ever win a football world cup (to be little more accurate, when will it qualify for the world cup)? These questions have dominated our coffee table discussions for a very long time now. To find the answer to these questions we have to travel back several centuries when our forefathers where making pioneering efforts in maths, science and even the art of love making! At the same time the Europeans were raising armies and busy waging wars against each other. The moral of the story is, genetically we are not suited for exerting ourselves physically. So lets stop burdening our sportsmen with such unrealistic expectations and allow them to concentrate more on their social life. But if you ask me why then aren't we in the forefront of science and technology, I would simply say it is out of the scope of this discussion.    

The media blow job!

This Diwali, TV channels were all about two super hit movies. One was 'Endhiran' starring the GOD (Grand Old Daddy) and another was the Hollywood movie 'Good will hunting' (not to be confused with the one starring Matt Damon)  which deals with the journey of a middle-aged American couple who come to India to expand their business empire by apparently earning the good will of its people. The Indians fall for their trap and dish out royal treatment but are left empty handed. Whether the Indians get back their revenge or not forms the rest of the story. The movie starred the real life couple Barack Obama and Michelle Obama and was premiered on all Indian news channels. Those who don't get the metaphor should have been worshiping the GOD on the regional channels. Because the Indian media had once again gone over-board, with their coverage of Obamas' visit evoking a sense of dejavu!

The Indian media had been a terrified lot on the prospect of facing a lull period ahead. The next IPL was far ahead. The CWG had just concluded. And there were no terror attacks to telecast. Then like the sun which rises in the east, the Obamas arose from the west to offer them a glimmer of 'HOPE'. And Obama atlast got an opportunity to convert the 4 letter word (he had been bragging two winters back) into the 6 letter word 'ACTION'. Though I had pushed all these Indian news channels very far down, every time my cable operator retunes I get unlucky. One such chance encounter with the annoying kind is what I have tried to caricature in this blog. 

Disclaimer - The decibel levels in this show are subject to the mood of the news presenter and there is no assurance or guarantee that your hearing might be the same after this show.

"Welcome everyone. You are watching India@6 on Channel1 - India's leading news channel. This show has been moved from 9PM to 6PM so that we are the first to break every major news!"

"The major story breaking today on our network as will be for the next few weeks, is about Mr.Obama's visit to India. Today is a momentous day in the history of India-U.S. ties. Mr.Obama has atlast uttered the unholy P-word on Indian soil buckling to the relentless pressure exerted by our channel!!

"He also strongly supported India's bid for a permanent seat in UNSC! No other country has been able to earn such an unconditional endorsement from U.S. Channel1 has been receiving praises from various quarters for able to achieve things that even Indian diplomacy couldn't. There will be a special coverage of this today @ 9PM."

BREAKING NEWS PROMINENT BOLLYWOOD LOVE-BIRDS TO TIE THE NUPTIAL KNOT!! 

"Joining us today in our studio are famous personalities to discuss the huge significance of this historic event on the future of India in particular and the world in general. Lets start with Mr.Karat. Sir, your party has always been skeptical of the Indo-U.S. ties. But the latest slew of announcements made by Obama - thanks to our channel -  should infuse lot of confidence in your politburo."

"Randeep, what Mr.Obama said was that he would like to see a reformed security council with India as a permanent member. He never mentioned..."

"Mr.Karat, I asked you a straightforward question but you are trying to beat around the bush. Just..."

"No I am just trying to explain the real..."

"Sir you are trying to hog a lot of air time by getting into unnecessary details. So just reply to my question in one word - Does the recent announcements made by Obama take Indo-U.S. ties to the next level?"
 
"No. The reason..."

"I think we are losing contact with Mr.Karat. In the meantime lets hear from Mr.Rahul the spokesperson of the ruling party. On a side note there is news trickling in that Saif Ali Khan has asked Kareena Kapoor to marry him. We had tapped into their phone conversation and you can catch the entire marriage proposal first, yes you heard first, on our channel right after this show. Yes Rahul go ahead."

"Our party is really happy about how Obama's visit is shaping out to be. Its great news that the President of USA has strongly endorsed our aspiration for a permanent membership in the Security Council. This means we are on par with China and other developed countries. Our party is really proud because this endorsement happened during..."

"Rahul I want you to hold right there because the public thinks our channel is responsible for pressurizing Obama to make those pro-India comments. Infact we have a special coverage at 9PM where everyone are going to praise us."

BREAKING NEWS U.S. DOESN'T EXPECT ANY REFORMS IN U.N. SECURITY COUNCIL IN THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE  

"Ha ha ha...you are surely joking Randeep. Do you really think that Obama follows what you telecast on your channel. Somehow you have got the wrong notion that your channel... "

"This is gross injustice to us. We have been covering Obama's visit 24x7 stalking him to every nook and corner thereby giving a break to all your corrupt MPs. But this..."
 
"See this is what happens if you don't allow me to complete my statements. What I meant was that only Obama doesn't see your channel. But the people of India really enjoy all the entertainment, ouch! I mean the news telecasted on your channel. Infact our government is planning to honor you with a Padmashri this year for the service you have rendered to the Indian democracy."

"Sir we are really honored with this announcement. Looks like I will be the first news presenter to get a Padmashri. I am really excited about this. Anyway coming to the final guest on our show who is a very famous personality and has a huge fan following all over the world. Its none other than the Badhshah of Bollywood, Mr.Shahrukh Khan. As a Mumbaikar you should be really happy that Obama has indicted the P-country of 26/11 attacks."

"Frankly I don't know why I have been called on to this discussion. But now that I am here..."

"Shahrukh I am sorry to interrupt you in the middle but I think we need to end this program as one of our reporters has been able to sneak into Obamas' suite in the Taj Hotel and we are going to telecast live from there!! Lets continue this discussion tomorrow."

The Condemned XI

The news that NASA is planning an one-way  manned mission to Mars to establish human settlements wanted me to laugh out loud. But as history has taught me, such an act would only re-direct that same laughter 100 years later at my grave. So it is only safe to assume that we will some day have human settlements in Mars. And that day will mark mankind's greatest scientific endeavor ever. Anyways the 'how' and 'when' this is going to happen is for those brilliant of brilliant minds to decide. And for the record I want to say that nothing is going to move my ass out of this lovely blue planet!!

Now moving on to what I wanted to scribble here, supposing there comes a day when Earth can no more accommodate an extra human being. And the People's Republic of China (the then super-power) decides to transport  humans to settlements in Mars. Now the question is - Which XI of your fellow human beings would you so badly want to banish to Mars? For me it turned out to be pretty easy. There are quite a few guys/gals whom I would have 'un-created' if only the word existed in the dictionary. So I would use this opportunity to banish those people and rescue humanity from the burden of co-existing with these... 

 

George.W.Bush Apart from having overseen one-half of all cruelties against mankind in the last decade, there is no one who embodies the explorative spirit of humans better than him. Infact he is so unrelenting in his quests that even non-existent resources (WMD in Iraq!) can't deter him. We could use such a guy on Mars to explore water and even oil!!

Osama Bin Laden The perfect 'better-half' of Bush in the sense he perpetrated the remaining half of all cruelties against humans. This trip to Mars will give them both lots of private moments to catch up with each other and try to understand why mankind despises them a lot. And his knowledge of explosives can come in handy for the heavy construction work that will kick-start on the red planet.

Benjamin Netanyahu Establishing human settlements on Mars is like hmmm....Jews slowly trickling into Palestine to the extent they become the majority and declare it a Jewish state. So who else can be more qualified than the Prime Minister of Israel in this mission of involuntary colonization. Also he can scout for settlements for the first wave of Jewish Inter-Planetary Exodus. 
Kim Jong-il Those who don't know him, he is the current leader of North Korea who is preceded by his father and is to be succeeded by his son. Basically he runs a country like a family business. Also he is such a huge fan of science and technology that he believes nuclear warheads can deliver his fellow countrymen out of hunger and poverty. So lets use space technology to deliver him out of this planet.

Bal Thackarey For someone who thinks Mumbai is a fantasy land in some remote corner of the world, this trip will give him an opportunity to look from outer space and get his geography right. Also for a man who is ultra-proud to be anything that starts with 'M' (Marathi, Mumbaikar, Maniac...), being a Martian will only be another feather in his cap.

Suresh Kalmadi Kamal Haasan once said - "Thamizhla ayiram varthaigal irukidhu. Aana ennaku thevai padumbodhu oru varthai kedaika matingadhu". Similarly, every other politician in India is a **...** (fill whatever u want). But when I have to recollect a name Kalmadi is what comes to my mind. Poor guy he has been victimized by my poor memory. Anyway one of the guys responsible for his rise to (de)fame is next on the list. They have a lot of time to settle their score.

Rajdeep Sardesai (Behalf of media jingoism) There were many contestants for this place. But he marginally pipped them all with his daily 'call for war' (news reading) and the chest beatings about the various 'firsts' of his channel. Just imagine the amount of crap he is going to dish out if he stays back on earth during this space odyssey. So for a change let him be the news-maker rather than the news-screamer. 

Paris Hilton The few things she is self-worthy of, she owes it to her lucky chance of being born in the right womb at the right time. But that doesn't give her the right to abuse her self-existence so much that the thought of co-existing with her irritates me to the core. In Mars she might get the chance to sleep with new species and also her dumbness might not look out of sorts in this group.  

Mallika Sherawat She has bared all she can and earthlings have seen all what they can. So her purpose on Earth has pretty much been served. Also in her latest skin flick (literally!!) Hisss, she has mastered the art of seducing snakes. So could come in handy to seduce Martians if the group encounters any.

'Ilayathazhavali' Vijay The fact that he was the protagonist in movies like Sura, Kuruvi, Thirupachi, Thirumalai, Madurai et.al speak volumes of his torture skills and are reasNorons enough to banish him from Earth. A small loss for his family...but a huge gain for mankind. Tamil movie fans will love me for eternity for this noble deed. 
Mandira Bedi  Pioneer of today's saas-bahu tearjerkers, co-hosting the 2007 World Cup without knowing an iota of the game...What more does one need to do to get packed off from earth. Though she faced stiff competition from Shilpa Shetty (whose 'Big Brother' experience would have come in handy in the hostile conditions on Mars) for the final spot, I had to give it to Mandira for her uncanny ability to pain us in a wide ranging manner.
 
P.S. - For the original Mars article take a look at this link

An ode to the human spirit

Okay. Now I completely comprehend the bigger universal appeal sports enjoys over academics. Both these fields have been peppered by many a men who have time and again displayed astounding skills and an indomitable, indefatigable spirit to overcome adversity. The Einstiens, Edisons and Newtons have shown what ingenuity and creativity the human mind is capable of. The ideas they conjure up in those lofty grey areas have continually helped in the advancement of the human race. In a similar way the Sachins, Anands, Federers and Nadals apart from displaying their unique talent have also exhibited amazing mental fortitude and the highest level of competitive spirit. But in an era of instant gratification, sports heavily scores over academics because it involves live and streaming display of the primordial instinct of survival of the fittest. And one such display was the epic battle(it literally was one) fought out between Isner and Mahut on Court 18 of Wimbledon for 11 hours and 8 mins over three days!!!  

Frankly I didn't get to watch a significant portion of the match courtesy FIFA world cup which has flooded all television channels with football matches. But a scorecard which reads 6-4 3-6 6-7 7-6 70-68 conveys all the missed action and drama. I can't fathom what kept these guys consistently inspired considering the fact that it was only the first round of the Wimbledon, both the players didn't have any pride at stake and at the end of this epic marathon one man's effort was going to be in vain (And the winner Isner lost the next match in 74 minutes!!). It surely wouldn't have been the urge to win the Wimbledon championship or the adulation they were recieving from the spectators. Infact after some point they would have been impervious to their surroundings. The  one and only motivating force would have been the human mind which gets an orgasm everytime it is faced with adversity and the unrelenting human spirit which has taken our civilization so far. Interestingly almost exactly two years ago Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal played the Wimbledon final which is widely regarded as the greatest tennis match ever. Luckily I got to see the entire match live and what a match it was! I was relatively new to tennis those days and didn't know the nuances of the game. But it didn't matter because after some time tennis was side-lined and it was two supreme champions testing the elasticity of the insurmountable human spirit. The quality of tennis was always on the ascent and it seemed like the two players were conduncting a symphony on grass. 

The above two instances are only a small subset of a sample space that boasts many such hair raising experiences. Even now the thought of 'Operation Desert Storm' (Sachin's exploits in Sharjah and not that of U.S against Iraq) gives me goose-bumps.  And add to this list the way Vishwanathan Anand won the FIDE chess championship this year after a 40-hour road travel and losing the opening match. (All this makes me regret the way I treated sports and games with disdain in my school and college days. This was owing to my physical disability (read as "overweight") coupled with my pre-concieved notion that academics was superior to sports.)  For all the despiseful things that we humans keep doing to the earth's habitat and its habitants, that grey matter within our skull and its far-reaching capabilities displayed by some of our fellow scientists and sports-persons makes me to yearn to be born a human being if I have another chance.

Proliferation of the decomposition of tamil cinema

(Disclaimer : All characters referred to in this post are NOT figments of my imagination. If there is any resemblance to reel life characters, it is exactly whom you think they are.)

Imagine this - Our 'Mr.Ilaya thazhavali[sic]' Vijay after watching 'Vettaikaran' with his wife and son, eagerly asks his wife for her feedback. Or 'Mr.Title-relinquisher-on-account-of-unworthiness' Ajith Kumar accompanied by Shalini  watches 'Asal' and asks her the same dreaded question - How eez the movie sweetheart? I really pity these women and our resilient audience who keep going back to theaters expecting a decent movie at-least on their God knows which visit. Are tamil movies so bad these days? For those innocent souls, sample these -     

• In the late 60's when a soon-to-become-CM was happily serenading a   not-so-soon-to-become-CM, heroes were portrayed with a lot of dignity as wealthy businessmen, doctors, law enforcement officers and even scientists. But these days they are all uniformly cast as happy-go-lucky uneducated youth sitting on a wall (frequented by stupid donkeys)  along with their friends who never seem to age. Well, we (read as audience) are to be blamed to some extent for this. Fed up with the 'angry young man' themes of the 80's, we wanted some realism in our movies. Looks like the directors had taken it very seriously and started casting heroes (read as Vijays and Dhanushs) in their real life avatars.
• Gone are the movies where heroines were a prominent part of  the hero's reel life (ya sometimes real life too). These days whenever our hero is fed up caring for his ailing mother or 'vazha vetti' sister or unemployed brother or bashing the villains,  he jumps into a Raymond suit or Tommy Hilfiger outfit and starts dancing with the girl nearest to him in the movie sets. That girl is the heroine. And if that girl gives a solo performance thats the 'item' girl.
• If the movie has no story or screenplay but a compulsory run-time of  2.5 hours and the producer has lot of funds, cast another heroine and picturize 2 more songs in a foreign locale.
• Can we ever imagine Sivaji Ganeshan doing a triple somersault followed by a long jump followed by a pole vault 'n' number of times? It's one thing that his anatomy wouldn't allow him to do so, but the fact is he didn't have a Kanal kannan or Rambo Rajkumar as stunt masters. These guys make a completely mockery of Sir Isaac Newton with the help of Archimedes (defying gravity with the help of pulleys and levers) and help our heroes vertically scale running trains and flying planes . But one good thing is they have done away with the biggest legacy of tamil cinema on mankind - that quintessential 'dishoom-dishoom' BGM.
• From the days of Nambiar to Nasser, villains had a real bash in movies. They got to trash the hero till the climax, forcefully sleep with some close or distant relative (obviously female relative) of the hero  and at the end get general amnesty.  But  now a days they get the trashed from the beginning, can't touch even the hero's servant maid and on top of it have to consistently shout at 90dB level.
• Latest techniques to compose a song - A.) Pick your favorite old song. Attenuate the voice and amplify the music and throw in some drum beats here and there. And place it exactly in the middle of the only good scene in the movie. B.) Repeat A. 
• The latest menace are the new breed of hero cum director cum producers who look like and act like yuck. But whats the big deal. Cast yuckier guys as co-artistes and all is well by the theory of relativity .

And the worst among the herd are those directors who staunchly believe in the concept of re-usability and hence don't want to waste their non-existent creativity.

(N.B. - The title suggests nothing more than the fact that tamil cinema is decomposing rapidly...)

Home Away 10 : The Nirvana

So it is that time of the year, when 'time' for a brief instance is not a continuum but rather jumps to a new start point as if resetting our lives. And as we usher into the next decade, it also marks a decade of me adventuring out of my home. From the cozy womb of my home to the hallowed portals of one lofty institution to another loftier institution to my dream career, the journey has been ebullient, enlightening, and exasperating all at once. What is to follow is a reminiscence of the indelible mark it has left on my fabric of life. (Looks like I have over indulged in hyperbole in the previous sentences. Well, that is me when I am free-flowing and just wanted to show some folks how much effort I or otherwise put to curtail my natural instincts.)

The day I left my native town to pursue college, it was the beginning of a life-long journey away from things that had defined my life till that time. And that thought was overwhelming. To add salt to the wound, the initial days in hostel did me no good either. For a boy physically and mentally corrupted by the luxuries of home nurturing, the prospect  of being on my own in a hostel (that looked all but uninhabitable) was daunting. From having a room to all myself to only having a bed, from delicious food to unpalatable grub, from washing machine to washing hands, life was clearly miserable. But it parallely opened up a new world with a lot of exciting vistas. Far from the scrutinizing eyes of my parents and in the company of friends who were in sync with me, I realized why college was the much touted sanctum of fun. If there was something that I had in abundance it was the freedom to explore and interpret the world the way I wanted. College culturals, class trips, late night shows, and late-into-the-night chats, it was a new and addictive experience. And after many years of patient waiting I also had the chance to interact with the fairer sex.

But as freedom in the hands of a corrupt politician can spoil the nation, I too started feeling the toll. Academic performance became an inverse function of the college year. Lot of technical knowledge I gained, but they weren't compatible with grades. There was a huge chasm between what I had desired and what I achieved. With a heavy heart I scraped through to the institution on the other side of the road with a brief pit stop at an IT company.

The day I landed there I realized this place wasn't going to be easy. My passion for analog design had led me here, but initially it was difficult to stand up to it high standards as I had been on a long sabbatical from academics. My guide was a genius and a task master (inseparable traits!!!) and he made a nice ham of my lazy a**. But here again I found some in-sync guys who helped me in redeeming the academic loses I had suffered. I also started developing keen interest in world cinema, world politics, photography and even my external personality (something that I thought would never engage me). And off the campus I had regular bashes with my old buddies. Towards the end, life again became miserable sans accommodation, sans job and sans signs of passing out. Those were really dark days and I was just banking on time to pop an answer. And 'time' it came when I moved to a career in analog design and thats where I am right now after ten years.

The last decade had seen the world undergo a sea of changes and thats the case with me too. The things that define my life now are vastly off from what they were a decade ago. I have undergone subtle and drastic changes and my perspective of lot of things has changed. Memories are what make us laugh at things that made us cry and cry at things that made us laugh and I am full of it.  It was a journey that I am completely happy I ventured into...

        

Pasanga - A classic ?

A few days back when I stepped out of the theaters after watching Pasanga with two of our 'pasanga' (aani and bull), I was completely overwhelmed. I was sure I had just seen a classic and one that will be a trend-setter. But was it just an impulsive reaction borne out of the drought of good movies in tamil cinema? Or was it a genuine classic? What is to follow in this blog is a deconstruction of my thoughts into words and see if it turns out to be a classic.
To squeeze the story into nine words - it's about the rivalry between two secondary school mates. If inflated it would read something like - the pride and arrogance of the highly naughty son of a teacher (antagonist) along with his two 'close associates' is challenged by a new-comer (protagonist) who is an immediate hit with both his class-mates and teachers. The innocuous scheming employed by the triumvirate and how the new-comer tries to reconcile with them along with the brief animosity that develops between their families amounts to a run-time of two and half an hour. Sounds like our regular run-of-the-mill movies except that the characters are abridged in age? But the similarity ends here. The simple yet refreshing and entertaining screenplay and the characterization that is both realistic and interesting, is like a fresh whip of cool breeze. From the start there is a discernible difference in the treatment of the movie. For a change kids behave and speak like kids. There is a dignified appeal to the classrooms and at least in this movie teachers are sensible and seem to be in control of the classes. The portrayal of parents is heartening in the sense that they are ready to give up their ego for the welfare of their children. There is also an underplayed romance that runs parallely devoid of any sleaze and glamor. But the icing on the cake is the characterization of the kids. The naiveness, rivalry, cravings and aspirations of children have been brought out in an enjoyable manner with loads and loads of humor. Let it be the disposition of the protagonist to demand encouragement for his deeds or the innocuous instigation of the antagonist by his 'close associates', there is a sure charm in them.
For a movie of this genre, the technical finesse is also a sweet surprise. The songs are just average but the BGM seamlessly alternates between the various moods of the movie. The cinematography is refreshing with some pleasing shades and hues that beautifully complement the movie. Overall the movie is a sincere and straight-out-of-the-heart effort, that explores the lives of children in a realistic manner. And just for the records here is a rural themed movie sans its blood and gory. Looks like I am convinced this is a classic. How about you?

N.B. - There are no protagonist or antagonist in the movie. I used them for the ease of referral.

Burden of cultural diversity or sheer populism?

India's highest civilian awards had been announced recently. And our 'beloved' Aishwarya Rai is there in the coveted list. It is a recognition of her accomplishments - winning the Miss World crown, brand ambassador for international brands, bollywood actress and becoming a part of the Bachchan household. You think I am kidding? Aren't they accomplishments worthy of a Padma Shri ? If you don't think so, then you are not able to discern a fine artist. Because the Indian government thinks Aish has made contributions to Indian cinema more significant than stalwarts like the versatile Nagesh or the redoubtable genius Ilayaraja. Aishwarya Rai's glamor quotient has fetched her international fame whereas these guys are relatively unknown outside Tamil Nadu. You might argue it is no match either to the unrivaled musical wizardry of the Mastero who will enthrall music aficionados forever or the acting ingenuity of Nagesh, who can seamlessly transit between humor and melancholy. Well thats what I too think but not the selection committee (The two examples being from tamil cinema is just because they are some outrageous omissions I know of. Such omissions should be there in every language for sure.) So how can an award which honors its outstanding citizens be mired with so much discrepancy?
One possible argument could be that India though a geographical amalgamation of tremendous diversity, still remains disparate in its soul. In such a milieu, when a group of individuals come together for a decision making exercise, unintentional cultural ignorance and prejudice are prone to creep in. But as a country that prides in being secular and diverse, the government should make sure that every deserving candidate in any nook and corner of the country is given his due respect. It is imperative that such selection committees be highly inclusive and include individuals who are free of any prejudice and well informed about the various regional happenings. And at the end of the day if such inappropriate candidatures keep perpetuating, then such awards might be displaced from their highest pedestal. The day is not far off when a prominent personality rejects these awards exposing the inequalities embedded in it.

P.S : All these rumblings are not out of envy or frustration because, as a non-recipient I am already in elite company.

Unity in Adversity

A terror attack has again been unsuccessfully averted. Political heads have rolled. Indians have expressed a spectrum of emotions from angst to desperation. And Pakistan buckling under pressure from US (and apparently India too), ostensibly seems to be in hot pursuit of its home-grown terrorists. At the end of the day, unimaginable and irrevocable damage has been done to the lives of many a people. Lets temporarily pause here and shift our attention to another problem plaguing the world currently - 'financial whatsoever'. When the bubble first burst, I was frustrated as to how the 'financial wizards' could have committed such a blatant blunder. But as the sun kept rising and setting, the frustration has turned into awe as to how the crisis can transmit itself across the global without any loss of information (networking at its best!!). Everything under the sun seems to be affected, to the extent that having a job by itself could make you the most eligible bachelor in town. So these two adverse scenarios set me pondering if there was anything positive that might pop out?The fact that countries across the globe irrespective of their ethnicity, geography and economy are falling prey to stateless extremists, gives them an opportunity to group under a common umbrella to shield themselves. The sharing of intelligence, joint counter-terrorism exercises and joint monitoring operations could infuse some sort of good-will between nations. A fine example is how the US and NATO forces have come to depend heavily on Pakistan to purge the Talibans out of Afghnaistan. In the same way, Pakistan feels the urge to engage with India to wrest its country free off the same terrorists which it had surreptitiously trained to be used against India. When US was feeling the heat of insurgents in Iraq, it vaguely hinted at seeking the help of Iran with whom it had severed all diplomatic ties since 1979. On similar lines, the financial downturn has elicited an unequivocal consensus that only a concerted action by world nations can rescue us out of this carnage. The egos of developed countries has been severely dented and they are looking up to developing countries like China and India to play a key part in their rescue. Infact economists have been suggesting that China can play a key role in rescuing the US financial system by lending $500 bn from its huge forex reserve of $1800bn. Similarly developing countries like India which have an 'outsourcing' economy, need a buoyant economy in the US, EU and other developed countries. Russia with its 'petro' economy is also wary of the global recession as oil prices are plummeting with declining demand. A lot of relationships that are forged now might be symbiotic, but we can hope the positives that come out of these associations enthuse nations to carry the camaraderie forward.
Mother Earth also for its part provides us with frequent opportunities to unify ourselves in the face of natural disasters. But at the end of the day if such crises and disasters fail to motivate us towards a common goal of universal harmony, you can only wait for divine intervention. And people like me have to wait for some extra-terrestrial intervention.

Lonely at the top.....

It is getting pretty lonely at the top these days. And if you want to know how boring and melancholic it is to be alone at the top, ask Sachin or Roger or Tiger. But it wasn't like this always. Few years ago a lot of my friends were performing at the top most level and there was a lot of healthy competition between us. As we grew older, the going got tougher and the pressures and anxieties started building up. A lot of my friends were not able to stand up to these adverse conditions and they slowly started fading away. And even those guys who supposedly were smarter than me weren't able to compete at such dizzy heights and succumbed to the pressures. Luckily for me since my fundamentals were strongly rooted, I was able to stand up to these challenges and perform better than them. At one level I am happy that I have been able to stand the test of time but at another level I am missing all the fun I used to have with my friends. And with every passing day I am not very sure if I can withstand the crescendoing stress levels. But it is very pertinent that I hold my nerves together and somehow cling on to the top slot. Else it might leave the author completely bald!!

As cribbed by the lonely hair follicle in the above narrative, the author has not become so progressively bald. But it dreads this might be the case soon.

Honey, where’s our money???

Looks like I too have joined the bandwagon of writers who have taken advantage of the financial crisis to hog some internet space. But then the crisis is real and so are the fears and the critiques. Also this is not a conscious effort to pen down something, rather something that stuck me genuinely. This is more about the lucky few who still have some savings to worry about, rather than the unlucky many who saw theirs vanish at the speed of the crisis which seems to travel around the globe in few seconds. So what should these ‘few’ do with their hard earned money?
Well, I would be considered extremely insane even if I remotely thought of stocks as an option. They seem to be the most capricious entity man ever invented. These days the sensex seems to be responding to every other thing happening in any remote corner of the world (Globalization!!). And for many, the stock market has been the perpetual reminder of the existence of Murphy’s Law. If you thought of outsourcing the risks involved in stock trading to the Masters of the Universe (read as Fund Managers), the financial crisis has showed they have been living altogether in another universe. They have been taking pride in inventing esoteric financial instruments and testing them with lesser mortals’ (atleast that’s what they have been thinking about us till now) money. But the recent crisis has seriously dented their narcissism. So if we move from Wall Street (or Dalal Street) to the Main Street (read as Commercial banks), the situation looks to be no better. Traditionally these banks were considered to be more immune to such turmoils than the investment banks. But to a large extent this immunity has also been breached as is evident now.
Now if we thought of getting back to time tested investment avenues like real estate, gold etc even these are not always sticky up and are prone to the vagaries of the market dynamics. Atlast after considering (or rather unconsidering) all these options, the best choice seems to be to hoard our hard earned money with ourselves. But in that case a larger crisis looms in the form of ‘wife’, who can convert the money into her wishes at hitherto unknown speeds. So why don’t we ourselves spend off all the money we earned, rather than someone doing it at our cost? Or if someone has a better idea of how to invest money, you could do a world of good by sharing it with us.

ENGINEERING A SUPERPOWER

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With the disintegration of USSR well under the way, UK and France still reeling from their World War wounds and Japan pursuing pacifist ideologies, USA was cruising along as the sole superpower for almost two decades since late 80's. But during this period there were some significant tectonic movements in the geopolitical landscape of Asia. On one side, the Chinese were rapidly and steadily building an empire founded on an oxymoronic ideologue of political communism and economic liberalism. On the other side, Russia was exorcising the disintegration demons of Mother Russia under the dynamic and assertive stewardship of Vladimir Putin, with the abundant natural resources at its disposal. And our own India was starting to reap the benefits of the demographic seeds it had sown for a long time - courtesy economic liberalization and IT revolution. And now the stage has been set for an intriguing battle of superpowers.

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If becoming a superpower is a politico-economic feat, sustaining it is an engineering one, though not in the literal sense. When a nation is evolving into a superpower, it develops quality infrastructure, optimally utilizes national and international resources and attains socio-economic supremacy. But once there, it starts hogging into global resources and exerting its influence on global political scenarios to maintain and assert its hegemony. And to do this, it sets in motion many Machiavellian endeavors (which the esoteric political scientists seem to decipher only when its well and over). And the pioneer of such “engineering” attempts has been our Uncle Sam. If its botched attempts to assassinate Castro was to undermine communism, then the war on Iraq and its ardent support of Saudi Arabia are to quench its thirst for oil. Even the much touted Indo-US nuclear deal is suspected of some hidden foreign policy agenda. But if there is one political goal that it has pursued steadfastly, it is to undermine the supremacy of USSR (and now Russia). From the 70's race for outer space to arming the Afghan mujahideens against the Soviet forces to the expansion of NATO, the US think-tank is more concerned about eurasian politics than its one. Even the recent Georgian crisis seems to have been maneuvered by US (atleast to some Russian parliamentarians). And many of these political misadventures have come back to haunt the US and also the world at large. The recent economic downturn has its roots in the Iraq war and the Islamist terrorism had its progeny in the hegemonic Middle East policies of US. So its the world which is paying for the misdemeanors of Uncle Sam. Not a worthy engineering pursuit, looks like.

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Those halcyon summers.....

WHAT is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?—

With school and college days well behind us and a long career ahead of us, these immortal lines by W.H.Davies are very much relevant during this phase of our life. So I decided to derive some nostalgic pleasure by recollecting some of those bygone days. There used to be a pocket of two months during school days when life took a dramatic U-turn - all play and no work. Its that time of that year when children think parents have no moral authority to decide what they should be doing. And it's a luxury you got only till the age of eighteen. Well, who can forget those sunny, carefree and fun-filled summer vacations....

There are many harbingers of these pleasant days. The mercury starts soaring mercilessly and juicy mangoes and rotund watermelons start populating the fruit stalls. With annual exams in full swing and summer holidays just around the corner, there is that familiar mix of apprehension and excitement gripping our hearts. Also school bags take an all new dimension and books give way to writing pads – which gets improvised into a cricket bat. And once the annual exams get over it's the start of a literal merry-go-round (As a ritual I used to throw my bag to a corner of the house after the last exam, metaphorising freedom from the clutches of studying).

As every summer set in, I used to promise myself long hours of sleep during the holidays. But somehow sleep never had a sense of occasion. When I was intently burning the midnight lamp, there it would arrive unannounced. But when I had all the time in the world to do nothing, it never yawned on me. Anyway with cousins who would come down for holidays and friends equally ready to relish the holidays, there were lot of other interesting things to do than sleep. We used to have a wide spectrum of games to chose from. Sometimes it was a game of hide 'n' seek with its myriad nomenclatures. Though simple in its conception it can easily make for a lot of fun-filled moments. The way we scrambled in search of a hideout turning every nook and corner of the house into one are still fresh in my memory. Some other times it was another of those time tested games. If we were indoors then it was one of those ingenious board games. And for those more in love with the cyber world than the real one, there were the computer games.

Though some of these games lost favor as we grew up, one game still remains close to our heart. With the streets turning into a boiling cauldron and moms yelling to get indoors, playing cricket was never going to be easy. But the love for the game that has become part of our genome code due to natural evolution ensured we spent long hours in the boiling sun. I still remember how we roamed our locality armed with bats and balls in search of another game of cricket. And as the sun was signing off for the day draping the sky in an orange splendor, we prolonged the plays as long as an iota of light was available.

Apart from playing, the leisurely mood of the summer holidays is a propitious time for catching up with novels. The vicarious pleasure derived by journeying into the fictitious worlds of "The Hardy Boys" or "Three Investigators" or our very own "Swami and his friends" is something every bibliophile will cherish for eternity. And no summers can be complete without paying a visit to our good old granny. Granny's place were always a breeding ground for fun 'n' frolic because it was a conclave of relatives and also we where away from the scrutinizing eyes of our dad. Hmm... How I wish I never grew up....

Irregularity saves the day!!

Warning : This article is a product of my random thought. So don't mind the insanity....

If there is one trait of mine that makes me hate myself the most, then that has to be my irregularity. Its not that I worried about it much, but people around me seemed to be affected by it a lot - one of the shortcomings of being a social animal! My non-systematic approach to life had cost me a lot. In-fact in hindsight I think I would have achieved more – it’s another thing that I have not achieved anything yet - if only I hadn’t been as irregular as I was, am and will be (Old habits die hard). In short, regularity and systematic working is one of those traits that still keeps evading me.

But as nothing is eternally good in this world, so is regularity too. And this discovery came from a very unlikely source - Hollywood movies. A lot of guys will be familiar with a genre of Hollywood movies that deals with some kind of heist like The Great Train Robbery, Rififi, The Great escape et.al. The most riveting part of such movies is the immaculate planning that goes into pulling out the heist. And the entire planning takes advantage of the systematic routine that is embedded in the target environment. Now you should be knowing where I am arriving at. Yes exactly there. It struck me as very ironical that a trait that is so much desired seems to have a shortcoming. So guys anyone planning to run a bank or start a jewelry boutique, remember to operate your venture in a non-systematic manner!!