Déjà vu !

Déjà vu (noun) :
1. a feeling that one has seen or done something before.

So the Indians have successfully completed another whitewash. This time it is Down Under. And this time the Indian team have really sunk rock bottom. Only some massive unloading might help the team to rise back. But the replacement cargo isn't half as good as the old ones. Well moving from shipping parlance to pure cricketing terms, the future of the Indian test team looks very bleak. Shewag knows to bat only way and clearly that way is leading him only to the pavilion. Dravid has been clean bowled every other time he has been at the crease. Laxman has suddenly realized he is 38 years old and his feet refuse to move. Tendulkar seems to be lost in pursuit of the landmark we all know of. Dhoni is of the 'esteemed' view that tweaking our game to overseas conditions is a waste of time as the majority of our tests are played in the subcontinent. And the bowlers... well looks like they are contemplating early retirement.

And as expected criticism flew from all corners. The media was busy writing the obituary of the seniors. The veterans blamed the IPL and other commercial endeavors of the players for their lack of commitment. The average Indian fan hasn't still recovered from the shock of the appalling defeat. But the Indian team didn't allow any of these criticism to affect their losing streak. Some made brave gestures like showing the middle finger. And some others challenged the Aussies to a revenge series in India. So it looked like the Indians were sticking together as an unit even under such intense pressure. But one 'respectable' media house tapped into the phone conversations of our players and this what they had to say in private -      

MS Dhoni -  "I hope Anna Hazare goes on another fasting while we return to India. Then the media won't bother us."

Virendar Shewag - "My wicket is precious. I should preserve it by batting down the order."

Rahul Dravid - "I should probably take a break from international cricket and play Ranji trophy matches to strengthen my technique."

Gautam Gambhir - "My place in the team is secured as I will replace Dhoni once he gets sacked from the  captaincy."

VVS Laxman - "The bench strength is so poor for anyone to replace me. Hail the Indian domestic system!"

Sachin Tendulkar - "I should get atleast two centuries when India tours Australia next in 2014." 

Yuvraj Singh (back in India) - "Lucky I was injured to be not picked for this tour!!"

Virhat Kohli - "Will they blame IPL for the team's poor showing? Will I be banned from playing for RCB?

Ravichandran Ashwin - "I was stupid to combine my honeymoon with the Australian tour. Now will BCCI reimburse my honeymoon bills as promised."

Zaheer Khan - "I will be better off as a bowling coach than a bowler as did Venkatesh Prasad. Let me propose this to the selectors."

Ishant sharma - "The BCCI has announced a post retirement pension plan for those retiring voluntarily. I should better opt for it."

Sourav Ganguly (from the commentary box) - "Will they sack Dhoni and ask me to lead the team? Or will they consider me for the No.6 position? Anyway the team deserves this for the injustice they meted out to me. "