The media blow job!

This Diwali, TV channels were all about two super hit movies. One was 'Endhiran' starring the GOD (Grand Old Daddy) and another was the Hollywood movie 'Good will hunting' (not to be confused with the one starring Matt Damon)  which deals with the journey of a middle-aged American couple who come to India to expand their business empire by apparently earning the good will of its people. The Indians fall for their trap and dish out royal treatment but are left empty handed. Whether the Indians get back their revenge or not forms the rest of the story. The movie starred the real life couple Barack Obama and Michelle Obama and was premiered on all Indian news channels. Those who don't get the metaphor should have been worshiping the GOD on the regional channels. Because the Indian media had once again gone over-board, with their coverage of Obamas' visit evoking a sense of dejavu!

The Indian media had been a terrified lot on the prospect of facing a lull period ahead. The next IPL was far ahead. The CWG had just concluded. And there were no terror attacks to telecast. Then like the sun which rises in the east, the Obamas arose from the west to offer them a glimmer of 'HOPE'. And Obama atlast got an opportunity to convert the 4 letter word (he had been bragging two winters back) into the 6 letter word 'ACTION'. Though I had pushed all these Indian news channels very far down, every time my cable operator retunes I get unlucky. One such chance encounter with the annoying kind is what I have tried to caricature in this blog. 

Disclaimer - The decibel levels in this show are subject to the mood of the news presenter and there is no assurance or guarantee that your hearing might be the same after this show.

"Welcome everyone. You are watching India@6 on Channel1 - India's leading news channel. This show has been moved from 9PM to 6PM so that we are the first to break every major news!"

"The major story breaking today on our network as will be for the next few weeks, is about Mr.Obama's visit to India. Today is a momentous day in the history of India-U.S. ties. Mr.Obama has atlast uttered the unholy P-word on Indian soil buckling to the relentless pressure exerted by our channel!!

"He also strongly supported India's bid for a permanent seat in UNSC! No other country has been able to earn such an unconditional endorsement from U.S. Channel1 has been receiving praises from various quarters for able to achieve things that even Indian diplomacy couldn't. There will be a special coverage of this today @ 9PM."

BREAKING NEWS PROMINENT BOLLYWOOD LOVE-BIRDS TO TIE THE NUPTIAL KNOT!! 

"Joining us today in our studio are famous personalities to discuss the huge significance of this historic event on the future of India in particular and the world in general. Lets start with Mr.Karat. Sir, your party has always been skeptical of the Indo-U.S. ties. But the latest slew of announcements made by Obama - thanks to our channel -  should infuse lot of confidence in your politburo."

"Randeep, what Mr.Obama said was that he would like to see a reformed security council with India as a permanent member. He never mentioned..."

"Mr.Karat, I asked you a straightforward question but you are trying to beat around the bush. Just..."

"No I am just trying to explain the real..."

"Sir you are trying to hog a lot of air time by getting into unnecessary details. So just reply to my question in one word - Does the recent announcements made by Obama take Indo-U.S. ties to the next level?"
 
"No. The reason..."

"I think we are losing contact with Mr.Karat. In the meantime lets hear from Mr.Rahul the spokesperson of the ruling party. On a side note there is news trickling in that Saif Ali Khan has asked Kareena Kapoor to marry him. We had tapped into their phone conversation and you can catch the entire marriage proposal first, yes you heard first, on our channel right after this show. Yes Rahul go ahead."

"Our party is really happy about how Obama's visit is shaping out to be. Its great news that the President of USA has strongly endorsed our aspiration for a permanent membership in the Security Council. This means we are on par with China and other developed countries. Our party is really proud because this endorsement happened during..."

"Rahul I want you to hold right there because the public thinks our channel is responsible for pressurizing Obama to make those pro-India comments. Infact we have a special coverage at 9PM where everyone are going to praise us."

BREAKING NEWS U.S. DOESN'T EXPECT ANY REFORMS IN U.N. SECURITY COUNCIL IN THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE  

"Ha ha ha...you are surely joking Randeep. Do you really think that Obama follows what you telecast on your channel. Somehow you have got the wrong notion that your channel... "

"This is gross injustice to us. We have been covering Obama's visit 24x7 stalking him to every nook and corner thereby giving a break to all your corrupt MPs. But this..."
 
"See this is what happens if you don't allow me to complete my statements. What I meant was that only Obama doesn't see your channel. But the people of India really enjoy all the entertainment, ouch! I mean the news telecasted on your channel. Infact our government is planning to honor you with a Padmashri this year for the service you have rendered to the Indian democracy."

"Sir we are really honored with this announcement. Looks like I will be the first news presenter to get a Padmashri. I am really excited about this. Anyway coming to the final guest on our show who is a very famous personality and has a huge fan following all over the world. Its none other than the Badhshah of Bollywood, Mr.Shahrukh Khan. As a Mumbaikar you should be really happy that Obama has indicted the P-country of 26/11 attacks."

"Frankly I don't know why I have been called on to this discussion. But now that I am here..."

"Shahrukh I am sorry to interrupt you in the middle but I think we need to end this program as one of our reporters has been able to sneak into Obamas' suite in the Taj Hotel and we are going to telecast live from there!! Lets continue this discussion tomorrow."