After some point of time in your life, there are only two people who always keep thinking of you - your wife and your manager. When you are in office, your manager is happy at home dreaming of you slogging your arse off in front of the computer to meet some unrealistic deadline set by him. And when you are at home, your wife is happy out shopping and 'fantasizing' about you doing all the household work. You feel as if your time and space has been hijacked for eternity! And all of a sudden a blaring siren went off in my head. For a moment I thought it was just an acoustic manifestation of my disturbing thoughts. But the decibel level and frequency were closer to that of the ubiquitously irritating horn of a two wheeler and that's when I realized I had been lost in thoughts in the midst of a traffic jam and the sound was coming from a fellow traveler behind me. I instinctively tried to maneuver my car in the two available dimensions but there wasn't much space to do so. So I switched off my engine and tried to get back to my profoundly life altering thoughts. But the high frequency 'noise' from behind was incessant and it was as if the idiot was expecting my car to levitate and give way for him. I wished I had a set of horns towards the rear of my car so that I could 'back-horn' till he went deaf. Or more dramatically I wanted to get out of my car, pull him (or rather drag him) out of his two wheeler, kick his butt and tell him that just because sound travels @ the speed of 330m/s you can't expect everything around it to move at the same speed too. But I was more comfortable with thoughts than actions so I tried to shut the sound out off my mind and get back to dreamland.
As the curtains were rolling down on my eyes, I witnessed an over-enthusiastic chap trying to plough his two wheeled contraption through the infinitesimally small gap available between my car and the one in front of me. Though I was immensely irritated by this senseless endeavor, at the same time I was also eager to see how far he went. He started with intimidation by coming so dangerously close to my car that I had to retreat a bit to avoid being scratched by this moron. Then he resorted to trigonometry by extracting all possible angles available in the gap. But midway he ran out of angles and threw a pleading glance at me. There was no more space for me to steer and he remained wedged like a loaf of ham in a sandwich. I wondered what could be the driving force behind a lot of Indians to indulge in such silly and reckless acts on the road. Is it the urge to reach home early and perform their most important task - having dinner and going early to bed ? Or is it the notion that civic sense is an unnecessary evil thrust on us by the British ?
By now the road had transformed into a circus and my fellow travelers were morphing into acrobats. And they were using me as an involuntary accomplice too. Suddenly my mobile started ringing and the moment I saw my wife's name on it, I remembered her morning orders to get some household items. Since the traffic was very heavy, I allowed the call to die a natural death and started looking out for some utility store. The moment I found one I parked my car and started walking on the pavement. Hadn't I taken a few steps, I heard a loud horn right behind me. When I turned back, there standing in front of me was the latest menace plaguing Indian roads - the pavement raiders. I wanted to utter loudly - "What do you want jackass ?" But I wasn't sure whether his response would be verbal or physical, so I just threw a disdainfully inquiring look at him. In return he gestured to me to move aside. That very moment I wanted to take a hammer and break open his nutshell (read as 'head under helmet') but I quietly turned back and continued walking in the middle of the pavement while he followed me honking from behind. After taking a few steps I bent over as if to adjust my lace with the sole intention of irritating him for my satisfaction. Anyway as all good things come to an end, I reached my destination and had to step aside to enter the store when the he roared past me. I am sure he would wanted to bang my head on the pavement, but then the feeling was very mutual.
After shopping I got back to my car and started the last leg of my journey. I wanted to reach home quickly as I was already late by an hour and also the antics on the road were causing heavy activity on my internal barometer. Fortunately the traffic had thinned down and I was able to drive freely for the first time in the past two hours. As I neared a traffic signal it turned red and I came to an halt. And as expected there were a lot of color blind people who continued traveling. But surprisingly once the signal turned green no one was moving even after my incessant honking. Only then I realized that the traffic from the other side was still flowing though their signal had turned red. And clearly anticipating this behavior from their fellow Indians, my side of the traffic was calmly waiting for their turn. Indians had not only learnt the art of transgressing the law but also to co-exist with it. If there was anyone still doubting the theory of evolution, this sight would have been the ultimate proof for its existence. Anyway by now I had lost the will power even to get frustrated and all I wanted to do was reach home. Finally after what seemed like eternity but in reality only two and half an hour, I pulled into my garage. Desperate to chill out and relax, I rang the door bell. The moment the door opened I witnessed the final performance for the day - 'angry wife gone nuts' ! I don't need to elaborate on this act as everyone knows how it is performed :)
